Love Begets Love

Today, I don't feel I have any wisdom left.  

I am the mother of 4 children.  3 are boys.  2 are teenagers.  1 is a toddler.  That should explain exactly how I am feeling...but, I'll explain anyway.

A little less than a year ago, I decided to quit the corporate world to stay home, spend more time with my kiddos and start my own business.  Along with those stellar decisions, I decided to start school for my Doctorate degree and I signed on to be the PTA President at my children's school.  If you have ever seen the statue of Atlas, you have a good idea of how I feel Mondays through Sundays.  

I love my children beyond description.  I would take a bullet for them.  But, they wear me out! Believe it or not, I have actually had to answer the question of, "Where is the milk?"  That particular child was standing next to the refrigerator.  He couldn't seem to find it on the shelf (as in the countertop).  I looked at him confused for a moment and then walked to the refrigerator and opened the door and pointed to the milk and said, "I decided to keep it in this giant white box in the kitchen for a while to give the shelf a rest."  He chuckled.  Another common interaction is in my house: "Mom, can I go outside to play?"  "Are your chores done?"  "Not all the way." *Mom's head falls and hits the desk in amazement and wonders if these kids are actually UN-learning at school* Mom says, "Well, the rule is your chores need to be completed 100% before you go outside to play."  Child's response, "Since when?"  *Mom's head falls back onto the desk and ponders hiring a nanny*

Imagine my days that start at 5:30am where I wake up my son by 5:45am for Seminary (early morning Bible study at church).  We leave at 6:15am to pick up another student and then drive to the church where class begins at 6:30am.  I sit in the truck outside so I can then drive my son to school when Seminary ends.  Meanwhile, my husband is at home with the 3 other kids.  The baby sleeps until 7:30 so his job is to wake up the two other boys, read some scriptures with them and then get them on their way out the door.  I usually spend my time in the truck sending my husband a "Reminder" text message of all the things the boys need to put in their backpacks, or do at school, etc.  Then, I read my textbook for my class while waiting for my son to come out from Seminary.  At 7:10am, he is out the door (10 minutes earlier than the class ends) and we drive 2 miles to school.  He takes his bike off the bike rack and we bid adieu.  

By now, I have received a message from my husband telling me what time my sons have left the house on their bikes.  So, I drive a route from the high school to the middle school so I can see the boys each morning.  I don't get to give them hugs, but I stop and give them a quick "I love you" and "Be kind" before they are pedaling off to school.  When I arrive home, my daughter is most likely just waking up.  Her mood is usually good, but if she is crabby, some milk quickly changes that.  Then 10 minutes later, my husband is out the door for work and it is just me and my daughter.  For the next hour I try to get bits and pieces of rest as she watches Curious George and we cuddle in my bed.  About every 5 minutes she will jump on me or call out, "Mommy" just to see if I am paying attention.  After 45 minutes of trying to rest, I find myself actually getting irritated at the process and so I jump up and go make my daughter some breakfast.  From there it is dishes, laundry, cleaning the kitchen or picking up her room, making the bed and cleaning up all of her spills and finally - 2 hours later, getting her dressed.  

At 11am, 4 days a week, I take her across the street to my aunt's house.  It is the only way I can ever get any homework done.  So, when I come home, my mind races with my options for the 2 1/2 - 3 hours I have until the kids come home.  Will it be rest? Laundry? PTA business? Homework? Visit the husband for lunch? Phone calls? Vacuuming? Mopping? Take a shower?  I usually try to get most of those in during that very short 2 hour window and invariably, I feel like I didn't accomplish much of anything.  

Then the boys start to arrive home.  2:45pm.  Then 3:30pm.  My boys are now all home.  I have taken the time to write out all of their chores for the day.  I spend time talking to each one about their day. I make sure they have a healthy snack and 15 mintues of freedom and relax time before they must start their homework.  Then I put them in different rooms of the house to do their homework so they don't distract one another.  By 4:15pm, it's time for my daughter to come home from across the street.  Once she gets home, she is like glue to me.  If I am out of the room, she is looking for me.  By 4:45pm, my husband is on his way home and about 5pm he pulls in the driveway.  

We have a nice large house with lots of rooms and space and that can be both positive and a teensy negative.  Imagine trying to corral lots of balloons into a small area in a large room.  Isn't possible.  That is what it is like when we are all home.  Sometimes I am very surprised that there are only the 4 kids!  It feels like so many more.  

We stay pretty busy.  Mondays we do Family Home Evenings, Tuesdays the older boys have scouts, Wednesday my younger son has Scouts, Thursdays the older boys work (yard work for a neighbor lady), Fridays is the youth sports night and sleepovers, Saturday is our 'Saturday's Warrior' day where we do yard work and a house project and then get lots of outside time, and then Sunday - a day of REST!  

Now, in all of this, I try to fold in my homework which is 2 chapters a week from my textbooks and 3 assignments a week (2 writing and 1 Study Activity).  Also, there are at least 10-15 emails related to PTA issues and concerns, papers to read and sign for school or scouts, checks to write for scouting activites, birthday gifts to purchase for friends, bills to coordinate and pay, and working with the boys on their scouting merit badges, plus the ever present glue to my side that is about 3 feet tall.  

On top of all of this, I am supposed to be in a good and loving mood.  Well, the news flash is that I am not.  I get worn out.  I get tired.  Usually by Thursday morning I am so tired I could commit a crime to get some sleep.  I don't go to bed until 12:30am or 1am and I get up at 5:30am and so it catches up to me.  Oh, and I forgot to mention, I'm old!  *haha*  So, as I try to navigate all of these needs and requirements, I find that I NEVER take time to replenish myself.  I give and give until I am empty.  Now we would never do that to our cars and yet we do it to ourselves over and over again.  Who can run on EMPTY!??


Well for the past couple of days I decided that I am going to respond to my children with "nothing but love".  Guess what?  It's EXHAUSTING!  Kids take and take and take.  They have NO CLUE that I am trying to do better and be better - they just keep going the same way they were before.  Except...I did notice one thing.  I noticed that, although my reserves were taxed, they were HAPPIER.  They smiled more.  They fought less.  They engaged with one another more.   

So, I guess, in reality, they did notice...and they responded by being more loving and more like an eternal family with each other.  If I look at it that way, then I guess it is all worth it.  I mean if I had to choose between my children actually being and feeling happy versus me having less "tasks" to do, I would choose my children's happiness everytime.  

So, I guess I learned something after all.  Love begets love.  Good to know.

Easter 2012