My Daughter

After 13 years of marriage and 3 sons, my husband and I were blessed with a daughter.  Prior to her arrival in our home, I was a mess.  I did not know what it would be like to have a daughter.  How would I care for her?  What messages could I give her that would be uplifting?  I was afraid.  Most of these fears eased off during the pregnancy and I was very excited, but there was always an underlying fear of would I do okay.  With my sons, I didn’t have this worry at all.  I had other worries, but not this specific one. 

When she was born, her brothers were 12, 11, and 7, so it was a whole new world for all of us.  By all accounts she was a bright spot in our lives.  She literally brought light into our home.  We pondered on her name, just as we had with her brothers and we gave her a name of heritage and love – Isabella Sicilia Marie.  Isabella was the only name that my husband and I could agree upon.  The name Marie is my middle name and so my husband wanted to honor me in that way.  About two weeks before she was born, my husband sent me a message asking me what I thought of the name Sicilia (said “See-Chill-ya”, meaning Sicily where his mother’s family is from).  In that moment, it was as though the lights had turned on and everything clicked.   Her name was so beautiful and I was so impressed that my husband felt so strongly about the process to name his daughter.   After she was born and we shared her name, everyone could appreciate the beauty of her name and, of course, it matched her beauty as well because she was a miniature doll, long eye lashes and full lips.  She was impressive. 

After about 2 weeks, I noticed that one of her eyes seemed to look different.  It was almost a “lazy eye”.  When we told this to the doctor, he was very eager to bring her in and look at her eye.  Upon inspection he informed us that she did not have a lazy eye, but rather of the 6 nerves that develop around the eye, which allow us to move our eyes in all directions, the one on the outside simply did not develop.  It was not injured, impinged or deformed.  It was simply not there.  There was no surgery to correct it but likewise, it did not impede her vision in any way.  So, we have watched to make sure that there are no obstacles for her because of her lack of movement on the one side of her eye, and by all accounts, she is fine. 

She is now 28 months old (2 years, 4 months) and she is gorgeous!  She is cute, funny, cuddly, squirrely and active.  She still cannot move her left eye to the left and there have been no side effects, except one.  The only side effect, if you will, was for my husband and me.  It became very clear to us ‘how’ to raise her and ‘what’ to say to her as she grew and then the beauty of her name became clear.  We realized that there will be people outside of the protection of our home who may someday make fun of her because of her eye.  We cannot stop this from happening.  But, knowing this, we can prepare her in advance by filling her up with love and kindness and building her self-worth, so that when these moments come she will know that she is beautiful inside and out.  She can think of her specially chosen name and know that she was so loved that the Spirit inspired her name.  She can remember that her Father in Heaven sent three big brothers to come before her who are charged with her protection.  She can know that her earthly father became a more impressive father just so he could have the honor of being her father.  And she can know, that her mother gave up her own fears and weaknesses to accept her as a loving gift from her Father in Heaven.  I hope she knows that her mother was given a significant amount of difficulties to surmount in her own childhood that would build her up to the task of being a mother – so she would know precisely where all of the holes in the heart would be so she could fill them up with her love and her words and her testimony.  I hope my daughter knows that she is a gift to me.  She fills my life every day with laughter, love and gratitude.  I am a better mother because, for her, I had to give up so much. 

I love you, mija!