Happy Mother's Day!

Celebrating an Imperfect Mother

This weekend is a time to stop and reflect and truly thank our mothers and those ladies who have influenced our lives in a motherly or nurturing way.  It is a time to take a moment for ourselves and give gratitude for the blessings that we enjoy in our life regardless of circumstance. 

As a mother of 4 children, I find that I am always questioning myself and my efforts.  I rarely feel that my efforts are “good enough”.  I honestly set out each day to be the best mother I can be, but invariably the weight of life or its circumstances sets in and my humanness leaps forward and I lose my patience or I consequence the wrong behavior or I simply just lose that nurturing characteristic that I try to have at all times. 

Sigh.

I often wonder if dads ever assess their behavior and interactions with their children to the degree that we, as mothers do.  I often wonder who they compare themselves to.  Sometimes, when I watch my husband or other fathers, I wonder …do you even care about what your child thinks of you?  Well, the answer is always a resounding, “Of course I care.”  Followed up by a quick, "Why?  What did they say about me?"  But there is something different in how fathers assess themselves and their abilities than mothers do.  As mothers, I believe, we set our expectations so high because it is what we believe we should do – for that perfect little baby or child who has entered our life.  We set it so high that we are assured that if we keep those standards, they will never be disappointed, never feel pain and never feel, for a moment, that they weren’t loved. 

And yet, our children can and do feel those things.  Not because we are horrible, but because we cannot be perfect on all levels.  Not only is it improbable, but it is unreasonable.  We can and should aspire to be good mothers, loving mothers, selfless mothers.  We can and should be a good example to our children.  We should model for them how to respond in situations of crisis, defeat and distress, as well as how to respond with graciousness and gratitude.  However, of all of these things, the best thing you can do for your child is to know who they are to become…and then raise them up to that potential.  Draw for your child a portrait of a life that is full – full of love and happiness and giving and receiving and sharing and trying and nurturing and laughing and singing.  Share with them the pitfalls that may entrap them and how to avoid them.  But most of all, draw for your child a vision of how great they are and how great they can become.  Paint for them this portrait of your love so that when they are lost or scared or wondering, they have something to look to that may draw them back to you.  Empower your child, and yourself, by discarding the qualifiers for perfection and by casting aside your fears of pain and disappointment, as these will become pitfalls and barriers to your ability to be the kind of mother (and parent) that you wish to be.

Pain is a given.  Disappointment is a given.  Empowerment is a choice.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of us imperfect mothers! 

Portrait of My Love

A Portrait of My Love

There could never be, a portrait of my love.

For nobody could paint a dream.

You will never see a portrait of my love

For miracles are never seen.

Anyone who sees her, soon forgets the Mona Lisa

It would take I know, a Michaelangelo

And he would need the glow of dawn that paints the sky above

To try and paint a portrait of my love.

This song was, in many respects, our wedding song.  James played the guitar while a family friend sang it.  The song is one that touched my soul from the first time that I heard it.   I love both the words and I love the beautiful music that accompanies it.  When my husband played this song for me at our wedding (reception), I felt honored to be married to such a wonderful man.

The words of this song cause me to think about our constant efforts to define "love".  We try to put it into the context of gifts, acts of kindness or love, intimacy, or written words on the inside of cards and letters.  But none of these are sufficient to describe, or paint, what "love" actually is or looks like. 

That seems to be such an eternal question, asked by all human beings, "Do you love me?" followed by, "How do I know?"  I have asked that question repeatedly of my husband, mother and father.  I have wondered how my Father in Heaven loves me, do my children love me and how can I know?

I have spent many years trying to find the answer to this question, an answer that would be strong enough to satisfy what feels like a deep quest at times.  How do you know someone loves you?

For me, the answer lies in two simple factors.  How they view you and how they treat you.  My husband has taught me a great deal about this level of love.  His actions and words demonstrate this eternal love for me.  He views me, not as I am, but as I can become.  This elevated level of love causes him to look past my human weaknesses and focus on the daughter of God that I am and all of the potential that I have.  He chooses to uplift me to that potential.  His words and his actions uplift me, but more so, he mirrors back to me the way that I should view myself.  I have been hard on myself throughout my life, but his love has demonstrated that I am a worthwhile daughter of God who is loved simply and only for that reason. 

This reverberates back to how he treats me.  My husband treats me as a daughter of God, as a mother of not only his children, but as a mother of children of God.  He treats me in a manner that teaches me to respect myself and to love myself for my own divine nature.  A simple and yet profound action on my husband’s part was to teach all three of our sons to always let ladies enter the doorway first.  To this day, all of my sons, step to the side and allow me to pass into the house first.  In this instance, mere words may not have been strong enough to convey to our children the importance of the action.  My children witnessed him acting in this way and they followed his example.  My husband has always demonstrated his love for me by being a gentleman - even when no one was looking. 

Through all of this, I can say that I am loved.  I am loved simply because I am a daughter of God.  I am loved simply because I am his wife.  I am loved simply because I am their mother.  Yes, I am loved.

…and I love them right back.   

That is eternal love. That is the portrait of my love. 

I Married a Real Hero!

This series of stories brings tears to my eyes, even before I write them out.

My husband and I celebrated our 15^th wedding anniversary this week.  What an accomplishment!  We actually felt a sense of fulfillment for the journey of our relationship.   We started out as two young missionaries, serving in the same area in Texas.   Fast forward 2 years and we were finally getting married.  Back then, we were thin and adventurous kids who were excited to get married because we loved each other.  We had no other real plans, except that we would have kids.  I was 24 and he was 22.    

 

 We had our first son the month before our 1^st wedding anniversary.  We had our 2^nd son 13 months later.  We were poor but trying to make it.  We loved our two boys and they were gorgeous!  We moved from California to Arizona and then back to California in less than 2 years.  We stayed with my mom for a while we tried to find our place in the world and figure out what it was that we wanted to do and how we were going to be successful.  

By now, my sons were 3 and 2.  We went on a camping trip with our church.  At the campground, there was creek next to the lodge.  All of the kids would generally go into the creek by standing on these wood-plank rafts.  We had told our son (age 3) not to go on the rafts because it was not safe.  He nodded his head with his acknowledgment.  We then walked to the food line  to get our plates of food.  We then returned outside to find a place to sit down to watch the kids play by the creek.  As I began to sit down, I looked for my son.  To my utter surprise, he was on one of the wood-plank rafts.  Within mere seconds of me seeing him on the raft, he fell into the water.  The creek was no more than a foot-and-a-half deep, but because of his size, he could not push himself up, since his arms did not reach the creek bed.  It was as though time was in very slow-motion.  I remember seeing him face down in the water.  All of a sudden, my surroundings felt quiet.  I was only able to utter one word.  “James!”  My husband was about 10 feet from me, and as he turned to acknowledge me, I could only point to where Alexander was in the creek.   James was about 30 feet from the creek, but when he saw Alexander, he leapt.  He made it to our son in TWO huge steps.  Without doubt, I know the hand of the Lord lifted him up in that moment to get to our son.  As he leapt into the water, he reached down and with one hand pulled my son out of the water by the back of his shirt.  As the air reached my son’s lungs, he let out a painful and fearful cry.  He was shaking and wet, but he was alive.  From the moment my son fell into the water to the point at which he was pulled out took no more than one-minute.   

Indeed, my husband was a hero.

A year-and-a-half later, fearful that my son would be afraid of the water, we decided to give our boys swimming lessons.  We took them to the YMCA 2-days a week for swimming lessons.  The instructors looked like they were high-school seniors or had just graduated from high-school, but they knew how to swim and were certified so we felt okay.  Every week, the boys did well.  My second son took to the water like a duck.  It was easy for him.  My older son had understandable reservations, but he was in the water each time, having fun.  On the last day of their 6-week session, the instructors were going to let each child swim with him in the deep end.  So, he let all of the children sit on the edge of the pool at the 8-foot end.  Something inside of me felt uneasy.  As parents, we were sitting on the benches by the shallow end of the pool.  I motioned for my husband to please walk over there to “just be by them”.  My husband calmly walked over to where the children were.  I noticed the children were very happy and were leaning over the edge to look at their reflection in the pool water.  Just as my husband got close to the children, about 5 feet from the edge of the pool, my son leaned over one more time and fell into the 8-foot deep water.  Without any hesitation, my husband took ONE step (or so it appeared) and reached down into the water, and again, pulled my son straight out of the water.  The instructors had not even known that a child had fallen in.   

 

Once again, my husband was a hero.

 

Several years later, our two older boys were involved in Cub Scouts.  By this time, we had added a 3^rd son to our growing brood.  During one of the summer Cub Scout events, we went to a pool party at one of the Cub Scout families house.  After the awards were handed out, all of the kiddos went swimming.  James and I were sitting near the edge of the pool, on chairs, like most parents just watching the kids and chatting.  Our two older sons were proficient swimmers but I still kept an eye on them.  Our youngest son was not in attendance, as grandma was watching him at home.  By my estimation, there were about 25 kids in the pool.  Not terribly crowded for the size of the pool, but it was active.  Suddenly, in the middle of the pool, just past the shallow end, I noticed a young boy who appeared like he was quite frightened.  He kept dipping under the water and he was frantically trying to doggy paddle. I tapped on James’ arm and pointed out the kid.  Once again, James leapt to his feet, and stomped right into the water to pull this kid out.  The mother of this young boy, who had not been paying attention, quickly came over to comfort her son and thank my husband.   James jumped in the water without hesitation once again, this time he ruined his cell phone and leather shoes in the process, but he was a hero.

Daniel and Alexander

Finally, a few years after this incident, my oldest son was in the 6^th grade.  It was the end of the year 6^th grade party.  They went to Raging Waters at a nearby park.  James went along as a parent chaperone.  This was a big park with water slides, a lazy river and the big wave pool.  The wave pool is always a big draw because it can accommodate so many people.  My son and his friends decided to go to the wave pool for a while.  My husband decided to follow along and stand towards the “shore” of the wave pool.  As time went on, my son kept going further and further out.  It is very easy lose your place in the wave pool because the movement of the water can literally move you to a different location.  Soon, my son realized that he could no longer touch the bottom of the wave pool.  He was scared.  The lifeguards did not see him.  Just as panic set in, his father reached down and lifted him up and helped bring him back to a safer area of the water.  Alexander had not seen his father during all of his time in the wave pool, but as soon as he needed him, his father was there.   

My husband was, once again, a hero.

 

Even now, as I write this, my heart swells with emotion and tears fall from my eyes.  I have seen the hand of the Lord in my life and I have witnessed angels in our midst.  I know that my husband was lifted up in all of these moments to save the life of a child.  I know that the Lord could have called no greater person because my husband acted without hesitation.  He did not question the direction he was being sent in.  He simply went.  And when he was needed, he found himself to be in the right spot at the right time to save the life of another child of God. 

My husband does not accept my notion that he is a hero.  He is too humble to believe that he is one.  But to me he is a hero.  To his family and to his son he is one.  He has saved lives simply by acting when needed.  

Yes, I am truly blessed… because I married a real hero! 

 I love you, Hubbs!

7 Habits of Slim People ...of which I am not

While doing my morning reading before getting dressed for work, I came across an article from Dr. Oz that discussed the "7 Habits of Slim People" and I thought, "Why not?  No one is looking."  As I watched the video I took notes and realized a couple of very important factors.  One, these were not hard things to do at all.  And two, I was doing NONE of them!  Ugh!  But because of their simplicity (in my mind) I made a pact, to myself at first and then with my husband, that I would incorporate these habits into my life.  

Here they are:

1. Exercise in the morning

2. Smaller Meals throughout the day

3. Eat slower and Walk away when you are full

4. Don't skip breakfast

5. Monitor health better (i.e.,: using a scale or a food journal)

6. Fitness hobbies outside of the gym (i.e., Tennis, Swimming, Dance)

7. Drink Water (...and then some!)

My BIGGEST flaw is I ALWAYS skip breakfast.  I eat breakfast about as rarely as Brittney Spears sings her own songs.  Usually, I skip it because I am running late and "don't have time".  But, I get it.  Eating a healthy breakfast sets the tone for your metabolism and energy for the rest of the day.  Wow!  To think I have missed out on telling my metabolism and energy what to do for years!  And I always thought wishing on a star was the answer.  

The other six habits are fairly easy to incorporate into my life.  Exercising in the morning has always been a goal, but again, the "I don't have time" excuse would pop up.  But in 11 days I will no longer be working away from home so I can use my time much more to my advantage ...and I plan on it!

Overall, my goal is to be a healthier person and to fit in cuter clothes :o)  But beyond that it is to be a better example to my children, to instill in them a sense of health and an understanding of the impact that our choices have on us.  Being in my late 30's I can tell that my metabolism is ...well, asleep!  So, its time to wake it up and kick it into gear.  I have the second half of my life to go and I want to be a healthy and happy person.  Slim isn't the goal ...healthy is.

Now, off to have a milkshake!  Uhh, I mean a nice bottle of water.  Mmmm, refreshing!

SJM

If you would like to watch the video, click on the link below:

Dr. Oz on Yahoo!

Parenting Tips!

As I strive to be a more compassionate and in-tune parent, I realize that I have to actively be engaged in the process of loving and parenting with love all of my children.  I realize that I want them to be whole after our interaction, therefore I cannot do any thing that would bring them down.  Thus, some parenting tips that I have found which help me to lift them up.

1. Praise your children 10 times more than you get on them (correct them).

2. Model the character and response you want your children to develop.

3. Don't raise your voice or say put-down words, stay under control.

4. Humbly apologize when you blow it.

5. Lead by example, look for opportunities to serve those around you.

6. Turn off the TV and spend time as a family building special memories.

7. Be involved in your children's activities and go to church together.

8. Have heart to heart talks with each child on a regular basis.

9. Encourage your children to make wise choices and to choose wise friends.

10. Praise in public.  Correct in private.

All of these tips help me, as a parent, to remember that my child is first and foremost, a child of God.  My stewardship as their parent is to lift them up, even as their Father in Heaven would.

 

We are challenging ourselves to focus on praising our kids for good character, for Godly character.  As we do that, we find that we have a lot less trouble with correction when we are constantly looking for ways to praise them.  When we see them do a kind deed, we praise them publicly, but if we have to correct a behavior,  we correct in private, taking them aside so as not to humiliate them in front of other people.

By doing this, it really sets a tone in our home of peace and harmony and a joyful place to live.  In this way, the children don't dread coming home because they know it is place where they are going to be lifted up and encouraged.  

Always point them back to the reason they want to do what is right.  When you praise that character of kindness, they want to be more kind.  Every time they get an opportunity, they're going to look for a way to be kind.

Biting your tongue as a parent and saying, wait a minute, let me look for something good, will help tremendously.  Surely there is at least one thing that they did that was good!  Find the one thing, even if it is tiny and praise them for it.  By doing so, you are building character.  Learning to bite your tongue when you want to be negative and praising each other is contagious and then our children learn to praise by example.

An Introduction

Welcome to our blog!  Yes, it really is a zoo, but we try to be structured and scheduled on most days.  Some days we throw in the towel to the intended schedule and other days, we use the towel to wipe up messes, dry tears (sometimes for the parents) and play tag.  

We are a family of 6 and there is a lot of testosterone running through the house.  Our boys, ages 14, 13 and 9 are active from sun-up to sun-down and are often in the kitchen cabinets looking for something to snack on…usually right before dinner or right after.  Our daughter is 18 months old and the little “happy dust” for our family and permeating our world with her infectious giggles and cuteness.  It is a joy to watch her develop her curiosity for the world around her.  

We are a faithful church-going, game playing, movie watching (DVD), water-balloon throwing, and basketball playing family.  We love our family and we love our play time.  

In this blog, we hope to introduce you to the nuances of raising teenagers and toddlers and keeping your head above water.  We will also rate and review some of the products that we use to keep things running smoothly.  Our kids will contribute from time to time, as well.

So join us…at the zoo!