3 Month Follow Up

After James’ surgery in March, he was scheduled for a 3-month follow up.  This was mostly due to the lesions found on his lung.  Last week he had a CT with contrast and today he had the follow up appointment with this doctor to discuss the results and impressions of that scan.

The kidneys got the best news.  They are stable, working and have no recurring lesions.

Regarding the lungs, while the lesions/nodule remain, they are stable, so this is good news!  With cancer, stable lesions mean no growth.  They also saw lesions on his liver and bones.  While that can seem scary, and did at first, we were told that this can be normal.  Fingers crossed. 

The doctor did say that while all signs point to doing a follow up in 1 year, he felt that we should be aggressive in our observation of the lesions and therefore, we will do the next follow up in 6 months.  Once again, we will be hoping for no growth. 

The only area of potential concern is a possible blood clot in the superior mesenteric vein (SMV), or the vein that drains blood from the small intestine and ends at the pancreas.  It could be a result of the contrast being flushed from the system during his CT with contrast, however, if left untreated or at least if not further clarified, it could lead to a pulmonary embolus…which is bad.  So, he has been scheduled for an ASAP CT where they will put the contrast directly and specifically into the SMV to determine if it is a clot. 

So, a few more things on the “to-do” list, but overall, we are very grateful for the continued blessings of health and strength that have been extended to James.  Additionally, James feels overwhelmingly blessed with regards to his doctor who seems to be extremely attentive and compassionate towards him.  As noted in a previous post, this doctor and James are just about the same age and share a birthday.  Today, he told James that he is struck by how much James looks like his best friend.  So overall, this doctor and James are connected in more ways than one and we feel that we are getting extremely good care.  We couldn’t feel more grateful. 

Continued prayers for the upcoming CT scan.  Onward and upward!

A New Set of Results

It has been 23 days since James received the official diagnosis that the tumor on his kidney is cancer.  That time has felt like an eternity, in some respects.  Waiting is hard.  In that time, he has felt pain on some days, and on other days he has felt good.  He has lost a few more pounds, but also enjoyed an appetite for almost a week.  We felt a sense of relief after talking to the doctor and developing a plan of attack.  Somehow, having a plan just feels better.  There is still anxiety, of course, but being able to circle the date on the calendar for the “fix-it day” is helpful and hopeful.

Last week, James completed another set of tests.  He had an EKG done, a full-panel of blood work, and a chest x-ray.  The results came back this week.  He is in fairly good health.  That is great!  A lifetime of never ingesting things like tobacco and alcohol have certainly been helpful with that. 

Low White Blood Cells (WBC)

His WBC count was low.  A low white blood cell count is a decrease in disease-fighting cells circulating in the blood.   One of the reasons for a low WBC count is cancer or other diseases that damage bone marrow.  The presence of cancer, of course, is most likely the reason for his low count. 

Pulmonary Metastasis

His chest x-ray revealed an opaque nodule on his left lung.  The opacity refers to it being a solid mass and not fluid-like or gaseous.   The indication of a metastasis is that the cancer from the kidney has traveled to the lungs.  It means that it has traveled, at least in some regard, through the blood stream or lymphatic system.  The typical treatment for this is surgery and chemotherapy.  The doctor has ordered an additional chest x-ray and that will be completed next Wednesday. 

Regardless of these two new test results, surgery for March 9^th is still a go and he will have the partial nephrectomy (removal of part of his kidney and the tumor) completed. 

Admittedly, this new news of the nodule on his lung is disheartening.  James and I still have not really taken it all in, but I can tell you it felt like a punch in the gut.  We have a lot going on right now in our house and my biggest wish is that the world could stop for 24 hours.  I want things to stop.  I want time to just sit with my husband and think, feel and talk.   But, we can’t.  We have 4 kids who all need our help.  Help with homework, chores, tears, events, scouting, planning, relationships, and life.  James still has to go to work and try to be successful there.  I still have my internship field work that requires far more time than I would like.  I hate to say it, but it is hard to think about feeding the kids, getting them to school, getting the laundry done, living, etc, while all the while all I want to do is just sit with my husband and worry about the very big things that we are facing. 

Last night, my overwhelm hit its height and I couldn’t take in anything more.  I had people calling me, asking questions, needing things and I simply felt myself start to tear at the edges.  I have one family member who is in the hospital now with a bevy of issues.  It's a worry, but hopefully those are being remedied.  I have another family member who is having relationship difficulties.  They are calling me asking for help.  They feel that they are in a dire situation.  I want to help.  They needed someone to talk to.  So, I talked with them for a short while, but I could feel more rips and tears at my edges and seams.  It felt like pressure...rattling...shaking.  Sigh.  It’s not the people who have needs that I cannot handle right now, its simply the essence of being needed.  I simply cannot do anything more for anyone else.  My husband and kids.  That’s it.  That’s my short list of people I can serve.  And even then, the loudest kid is getting taken off the list *haha*

“What do you need?”  That is such a TOUGH question to answer.  My mind is so fuzzy and overwhelmed, I simply do not know.  It almost feels like I don't understand the words.  I feel stuck in a blank stare when even trying to contemplate what I need or what my family needs.  I usually compartmentalize pretty well, but in so doing, I don’t attend to my own needs.  Part of my assignments in my Practicum coursework have been to participate in Mindfulness training.   This is much like meditation.  It has been a saving grace for me on a couple of occasions.  Yesterday, in all its tumult, was one such occasion. 

So, what do I need?  What do we need? 

I need my truck to be fixed so we have 2 cars again.  What’s the problem?  No one knows.  It’s at the mechanics getting tested. 

I need my kids to have places to go so they are not all in the house. 

I need my daughter to have a place to go while I do my field work on a few days while my aunt is in the hospital.

I need there to be 2 more hours in each day.

I need to know that all will be well.

I need to have time to feel.

I need to be able to tell people “no”

I need my teenagers to not be teenagers for just a week *haha*

I need to get out of the house with my husband

I need to find a way to shake-off these difficulties

I need to celebrate life

While sitting here writing out my thoughts and feelings, my husband sent me this quote.  It instantly brought tears to my eyes, and his. 

In all things, including in suffering, I must remember that I am not alone and that I believe in a Lord and Savior and that He provides comfort at all times. As I was walking yesterday, I was listening to a song on my phone and I looked up at the huge beautiful blue sky and I could feel His love, His power, His capability and I simply said, "Please take over."  I realized that my part just might have been the hardest...handing it over.  

I simply need to find a way to invite peace into the hiccups of life.  I need to Lighten Up! …it’s only raining© Lighten Up!

Thank you all for your prayers.  We accept them and appreciate them. 

The Beginning of the Journey

On Tuesday, January 6^th, my husband rode his bike to work like most other days.  I remember him smiling and waving goodbye to me as he rode off.  It’s only a 10-12 minute bike ride to work, so it’s not too strenuous.  Later in the day, I received a message or two that he was feeling kind of bleh, but he is so busy at work that we didn’t have time to verbally talk.  About 4pm, he called me.  He was straining quite a bit and trying to tell me that he was having immense and extreme pain in his right flank (right back side of his back).  Just as I started to ask him a question, he grunted and the line went dead.  Within two minutes, I received a phone call from his boss who told me that James was in extreme pain and they have called 9-1-1.  He told me that he would call me back once they determine what hospital he would be going to. 

From James’ account of the events, he told me that he was experiencing severe pain in his right flank.  He asked his co-worker to look up if salt caused kidney pain, since he had been eating sunflower seeds all day.  Less than 30 seconds after asking his co-worker to do that, the pain hit him harder and he yelled out in pain.  He stumbled up from his chair and staggered to his boss’s office, just two doors down.  He fell into the chair near his boss’s desk and with labored breath told him to call 9-1-1.  After calling for the ambulance, James attempted to do anything to alleviate the pain and went down to the ground.  He was sweating profusely, even sweating through his shirt, and had to rip his tie and belt off to feel like he could breathe. 

When the paramedics arrived, their attempts to maneuver James into a sitting position or even a position to take his blood pressure, caused James excruciating pain.  After identifying all of his symptoms, the paramedics believed that James was suffering from kidney stones.  By all accounts, they are extremely painful and taking him to the hospital was the best option.  James continued in extreme pain and so while in the ambulance, the EMT’s gave him a small dose of Fentanyl.  James described the affect as a long 30 seconds to take effect, but a beautiful feeling, overall. 

I had arrived at the hospital before the ambulance even arrived so I was able to see James be taken from the ambulance.  As he got closer to where I was standing, I was struck by how white he was.  He was so pale that his lips had minimal color.  He, however, was feeling no pain but was exhausted from the 30 minutes of excruciating pain he had endured. 

While at the Emergency Room, the doctor completed a urinalysis and found blood in his urine.  He told us that that was still typical for kidney stones, but felt that a CT scan would know for sure.  After another hour, James was taken to have a CT scan.  A short while later, the doctor came out to tell us that there were NO stones found.  He did not have kidney stones.  However, they did see 3 masses on his kidneys instead.  One on his left and two on his right.  The suggestion at this point was that a follow-up CT scan with contrast (dye) would be warranted to see things more specifically. 

At this point, the worry set in. 

We got an appointment with the doctor’s office a couple days later and I could tell that she felt that it was important enough to do a simple exam and the refer out to the urologist who was an expert and who would request specific tests. 

The worry continued. 

Life at home was filled with anxiety, sadness, overwhelm, tears, questions, research and prayers.  James was deeply struck by anxiety and concern over the future.  The anxiety was almost debilitating.  The nausea was immense.  While we tried to make things as normal as possible for the children, there was still a heavy air of sadness and worry.

……

As scheduled, James went and had his CT scan with contrast.  My emotions were full and I felt the worry of what could be.  I held them in and tried to remain strong for my husband, who was still feeling the effects of his anxieties.  Tears seemed to flow from both our eyes randomly and without any catalyst.  They just fell because the reservoirs were full.

We awaited the results. 

With new technology, we knew that the results would be posted online and we could read the radiologist's report whenever they were posted.  After one week, the results were posted.  We scanned the report and saw that James is in relatively good health.  Then we saw the words, “likely malignant” and “refer for tissue analysis”.  Sigh.

The worry continued.  We set ourselves up to try to wait the 2+ weeks it would take to see the doctor for a consultation regarding these test results.  It became difficult to imagine waiting 17 more days.  

As religious and spiritual people, we felt the need to be connected to the spirit more so than we were.  For us and for James specifically, this meant more time on his knees praying and doing things that connected him with the spirit more, including good music and good books.  He also felt the strong desire to connect more individually with each of his children.  Worrying so much over his future had called into question how much of their future he would be present for.  This drew him closer to his children in ways that only he can describe.  He also felt the great desire to attend the temple – a building for us (in the LDS religion) that is sacred and peaceful and where the spirit is often felt when the heart and mind are searching.  These efforts in searching for a deeper connection had a strong impact and although James was physically still experiencing pain and fatigue, his spirits were lifted and he felt more hope.  This high, if you will, had its ebbs and flows, and there were still moments of anxiety and fear, but overall, he was feeling more ready to take on the journey of “likely malignant”. 

Over the 3 weeks since the incident first happened, James had lost 15-16 pounds.  Not the greatest way to lose weight, but we hope his appetite returns. 

Finally, the day of the consultation with the doctor.  The appointment time was moved back 45 minutes, to 4:45pm.  An entire day to wait.  Both James and I kept ourselves busy to stay distracted.  Him at work and me at home with our daughter, who at 4 years-old is a good distraction.  Tinges of anxiety rested with us during the day and in the car ride to the urologist’s office.  Finally, the doctor came in and he explained from the beginning that he appreciated our willingness to push the appointment back and was apologetic for changing the appointment time, but felt it was important that he meet with us as soon as he could.  Both James and I later admitted that we felt our back tighten at that moment, preparing ourselves for further news. 

The doctor was wonderful and he explained things so well.  Cutting to the chase, as he put it, he let us know that the tumor on James’ kidney is of the highest likelihood to be cancer, as it is a solid tumor, and that his recommendation is immediate surgery.  

Even as I type this, the emotions hit me.  James, of course, felt the sting too upon hearing those words.  True to form, I held my emotions back.  For some reason I felt that I did not want my husband to be affected by my emotional weakness.  James dabbed at his eyes for a short moment.  The doctor then went on to explain all of the details and the procedures of how he would manage the treatment.

First, he said that renal cancer has no cure.  And it does not respond to radiation or chemotherapy.  Another sting.  He said that the common procedure is to do surgery and cut out the tumor and surrounding tissue.  The surrounding tissue will be tested for further cancerous cells.  He said that we caught it early. 

Second, he told us that since James is in good health and physical condition and is young, he has a good prognosis.  He will do follow-up appointments for 3 years to see if any more grows, but after that, if all goes well, he will be good to go.  After surgery, James will be down for about a month, but he hoped for good results due to his age and health. 

Finally, he told us that he is the expert in this area, both geographically and with regards to dealing with surgery related to kidneys and renal cancer.  Strangely enough, he and James have the same birthday, thus the doctor felt a connection to James.  This created a connection for James, too and he felt good about it.

James feels the weight of it, but feels the hope of it, too.  I am glad that he feels some alleviation finally.  Overall, it’s good to know what you are dealing with so you know what steps you need to take. 

Surgery will be early March.  Just after my birthday and after my son’s birthday, so we will have a chance to celebrate good things before we turn to helping James heal.   The funny thing is, my mother finished her last radiation treatment 2 days after James was taken to the ER.  I spent 6 months taking care of her and helping her to deal with her cancer diagnosis.  Perhaps, just maybe, my time with her was my training to prepare to help my husband.  If so, I hope that I stop at 2 patients. :o)

The True Meaning of Repentance

This comes from a talk I delivered at church in June 2014

There once was a man who had had such a wonderful experience learning of the gospel that he wanted to share it with all those around him.  As a matter of fact, he pleaded with the Lord that he would be able to do so.  His petition to the Lord was simple and humble and he shared with the Lord that the wish of his heart was that he could go forth among the people, like an angel – who could cry repentance unto the people. (See Alma 29:1)

Now  imagine that being your life’s wish.  To go among other people and preach repentance.  I don’t imagine that his wish was to teach people how awful they were or to be their judge or demean them.  Rather, he that he would declare unto every soul that they should repent and come unto God, that there might not be more sorrow upon the earth.  THAT is a noble wish, then.  Bringing people to Christ, through repentance. 

REPENTANCE – WHAT IT IS NOT

I wonder for a moment, if we were to gauge what our initial reaction and responses are to hearing the word "repentance" or to hearing that that is to focus of my talk today.  I have found that oftentimes, there is an immediate negative notation about the word and its meaning.  I think one of the first thoughts is, “great, another talk about all of my sins” and sometimes our mind goes directly to those transgressions, sins or errors.  It seems that sometimes we fail to comprehend the full meaning of repentance and the great blessings it can bring to us.

First, we need to understand that repentance is the mechanism for personal growth and development.  Now, that can sound pretty trite and something that has been said so many times that it has lost its meaning. 

Interestingly enough, the Lord is a connoisseur of repetition.  Anything that is important for our understanding, He repeats…repeatedly. 

In fact, the importance of repentance is stressed 71 times in the Doctrine and Covenants alone!

So, I figured, before I talk about what the TRUE Meaning of Repentance is, I should probably talk about what it is not.

Borrowing from the experiences of a General Authority who’s assignment it was to prepare applications for readmittance into the Church after transgression spoke of Bishops, Stake Presidents, Husbands and Wives who petition for their loved one or ward member with statements such as:

·        I feel he has suffered enough

·        I feel he has been punished enough

·        She has confessed everything

·        He is filled with remorse

But SUFFERING is not repentance.  Suffering comes from LACK of complete repentance.

PUNISHMENT is not repentance. Punishment FOLLOWS disobedience and PRECEDES repentance.

CONFESSION is not repentance.  Confession is an admission of guilt that occurs AS repentance begins.

REMORSE is not repentance.  Remorse and sorrow continue because a person has NOT YET fully repented. 

So if suffering, punishment, confession, remorse and sorrow are not repentance then what IS repentance?

OLD TESTAMENT

Let’s look at the Old Testament for a moment.  The Old Testament was written in Hebrew.  The Hebrew word used to communicate the concept of repentance is “SHUBE” (shoo-b).  We can see the English meaning of the word using a simple passage in Ezekiel that instructs what to do when a person despairs and says, “There is nothing left for me!” “All hope is gone.” “I can’t be forgiven!” “What purpose is left in life?” “I might as well be dead!”   

God instructs the “watchman on the tower” to:

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Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked [shube, or] turn from his way and live: [shube, shube!] turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel? [Ezekiel 33:8–11]

This beautiful passage demonstrates the kindness and tender mercy of our Father in Heaven as he pleads with us to “SHUBE” or TURN BACK TO HIM – to leave unhappiness, sorrow, regret and despair behind us.  Repentance is a turning back to God!

NEW TESTAMENT

Now, the New Testament was written in Greek.  They translated the word “shube” to a word “METANEOEO” (met-a-ne-o-e-o).  This word is two words put together.  META – metabolism, metamorphosis = REFERS TO CHANGE

The second word is a little more complicated but generally, the letter “n” is transliterated as “pn” as in “PNEU” (new), which we use in pneumonia, or pneumatic = all of which refer to something air filled and can mean air, mind, thought, thinking or spirit, depending upon how it is used.  

Thus “METANEOEO” means a CHANGE OF MIND or THOUGHT or THINKING so powerful and so strong that it changes our very way of life.  To turn or change from evil to righteousness and to God.

Now, unfortunately, only the educated people spoke Greek, so they had to translate the work into Latin so that the common people would understand it.  However, it was this particular word choice during this translation that would have a huge impact on the idea of repentance for centuries.  They chose the word “POENITERE” (po-e-ni-ter-eh).  The root word “POEN” is the same in our English language for PUNISH, PENANCE, PENITENT.

You can see how the original words that communicated the beauty of what repentance truly is, were lost in a simple translated word and thus many people have come to fear and dread the word repentance and consider some form of never-ending punishment.  

The true meaning of repentance is to direct the children of God to change their lives so that they can come unto Christ and be partakers in pure and eternal happiness.

So let’s briefly go over this process called Repentance.

STEPS OF REPENTANCE

Most of us are probably familiar with the often-taught steps of repentance.  They are noted in the holy scriptures, taught in lessons from the Primary age and referred to often in other discourses.   I will briefly touch upon those, but I will be adding a 4th step and, I believe, this 4th step is what makes repentance even more true and more full and more everlasting.  

The three main steps of repentance are 1) acknowledge, 2) restitution, and 3) forsake the sin. 

 

ACKNOWLEDGE

  This is generally the most difficult step in the repentance process.  Here we must forget all the excuses and finally recognize fully and exactly what we have done.  Don’t say, “If I hadn’t been so angry…” or “If my bishop had only been more understanding…” or “If my parents hadn’t been so strict…” or “If I hadn’t been so stressed…”  

Forget all such justifications and rationalizations and simply kneel down before God and openly and honestly admit that what you did or said was wrong.  If it needs to go to the bishop, then make an appointment and humbly seek his counsel.  

As President Spencer W. Kimball counseled: Do let yourself be troubled; let the tears flow. Do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least point because of your sin. Let the justice of God have full sway in your heart so that it will bring you to the dust in humility.

Regarding the acknowledgment and confession of a sin, he added:

There must be a consciousness of guilt. It cannot be brushed aside. It must be acknowledged and not rationalized away. It must be given its full importance. If it is 10,000 talents, it must not be rated at 100 pence; if it is a mile long, it must not be rated a rod or a yard; if it is a ton transgression, it must not be rated a pound.

Stating:  “Rationalizing is the bringing of ideals down to the level of one’s conduct while repentance is the bringing of one’s conduct up to the level of his ideals.”

RESTITUTION

In this step it is simply to “give again that which you have robbed” or to pay back that which you have taken.  If there is something that has been robbed that cannot be paid back, then this is where we allow the Savior to make the repayment on our behalf and heal the other person.  We then, are indebted to the Savior for his payment – which was made on the cross.  

We repay Him by following the words of King Benjamin when he said:

And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God. [Mosiah 2: 17]

This means that we dedicate our lives to serving others, being kind, thoughtful, helpful and charitable to those around us. 

 FORSAKE YOUR SINS

The third step is to forsake our sins, one by one, and never repeat them.  When we do this in sincerity and with honesty of heart, the Lord has said:

None [not even one] of his sins that he hath committed shall be mentioned unto him: he hath done that which is lawful and right; he shall surely live. [Ezekiel 33: 16]

Or as he said to Joseph Smith:

Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. [D&C 58:42] 

There must be an abandonment of the transgression. It must be genuine and consistent and continuing. The Lord said in 1832: “… go your ways and sin no more; but unto that soul who sinneth shall the former sins return, saith the Lord your God.” (D&C 82:7.)

And a temporary, momentary change of life is not sufficient.

Alma said:

“Do not suppose, because it has been spoken concerning restoration, that ye shall be restored from sin to happiness. Behold, I say unto you, wickedness never was happiness.” (Alma 41:10).

It stands to reason that the more serious the sin, the longer it takes to complete the repayment.  It takes time for repentance to be final.

This brings me to the 4^th step to Repentance – that of FORGIVENESS

Of course, this refers to both forgiving others as well as forgiving ourselves. 

True repentance is to forgive all others. One cannot be forgiven so long as he holds grudges against others. He must be, as Alma declared “merciful unto [his] brethren; deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually. …” (Alma 41:14.)

Forgiveness, of course, requires the Atonement.

Story of Idaho Falls: There is an area where several major city beautification projects took place and included an airport and a park.  All of the ground upon which they were built used to be sanitary landfills.  A sanitary landfill is where garbage is buried between layers of earth.  And often times the land is RECLAIMED.  “Reclaim” means to “recall from wrong or improper conduct…to rescue from an undesirable state.”

Now let’s say a person who had been living in Idaho Falls for nearly 50 years feels like they had contributed a great deal to this garbage in the landfill and one day decided to go to one of these new and beautiful areas with a backhoe to dig up his garbage.  I think the people in charge would stop him immediately and would ultimately tell him that there was no way to identify his personal garbage and that he had no right to dig up the garbage as doing so was destroying something very beautiful and useful that had been made out of that garbage. 

Sometimes, this is where we find ourselves, trying to dig up our old garbage once it has been reclaimed through the power of the Atonement.  

·        Is it possible to reclaim a life that through reckless abandon has become so strewn with garbage that it is appears this person is unforgiveable?

·        Or what about the one who is making an honest effort but has fallen back into sin so many times that he feels that there is no possible way to break the seemingly endless pattern?

·        Or what about the person who has changed his life but just can’t forgive himself?

The Atonement of Jesus Christ is available to each of us.  His Atonement is infinite.  It applies to everyone, in every situation.  It can clean, reclaim and sanctify each one of us.  President Boyd K. Packer has taught, “There is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. That is the promise of the atonement of Christ” (“The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 20).

Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention to apply layer after layer of reclaimed ground, our lives also require the same diligence, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance. 

Often times, however, we feel that we do not deserve its healing power.  However, just as the people in charge of the new beautiful grounds in Idaho Falls felt bad for someone trying to reclaim their garbage, so does our Father in Heaven and our Savior, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, reject the power of the Atonement and yes, even reject the need to forgive ourselves. 

When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives that God has reclaimed through His infinite love and the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ.  

It is my testimony that our Father in Heaven loves us abundantly and eternally.  We only see ourselves as yesterday and today, but our Father in Heaven sees us in terms of forever.  EVERYTHING He has ever done for us has been to help us return to Him. 

I have a testimony of repentance.  I know the weight of its difficulty. I know the humility and courage it takes but more so, I know the sweet and loving peace it brings. 

More than this, I know that the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real, it is for me, it is infinite and it is available.  I have seen its power in my life as well as in the life of others.   I testify to you that if you will humbly participate in the steps of repentance, then you too can know the true meaning of repentance, which is to feel the love of our Father in Heaven…in the name of Jesus Christ…Amen.



References:
What is Repentance? by Spencer W Kimball
The Meaning of Repentance by Elder Theodore M. Burton
The Atonement Can Clean, Reclaim and Sanctify our Lives by Elder Shayne M. Bowen